Sexuality: What is possible when you are in presence?
The workshop space is filled with people.
I am supposed to inspire them to ignite their sexual energy.
And my best tool is my own presence.
Suddenly I feel the room shivering from this energy, it’s like it’s filling up with power, with life force energy and happiness.
I am so aware of the fact that my sexual energy is mine; my life force energy is mine. It’s all happening with in me. And to get in contact with that, I need to be present.
I think presence is so sexy. I think presence is da shit. And I notice how my life transforms as I allow presence to be there more often.
I think the lack of presence opens up for shame and guilt, as well as for worries. When I am present times focused, it’s as all these thought are washed away.
I remember when I used to make love from my mind, when my mind was busy with all sorts of things even in the most intimate situations (and this, being in the mind at the same time made this meetings less intimate, since I, and maybe my partner, wasn’t really there, at least I was often in another realm).
My mind could be occupied with thoughts like: Am I sexy enough, is my body okay, is my pussy wet enough, am I fast enough, does he enjoy me touch, should I do something else to arouse him faster, should I sound more or less, should I do some dirty talk to make this meeting more interesting… etc.
And then I wasn’t really present.
When I dive into presence while love making it’s like the world consists of me and my lover(s). It’s like we are like playful children och animals, meeting the moment, feeling what is there to feel, feeling how the body awakens, feeling how the lust is growing, being in the moment, not having any goals, just letting the waves of lust be there, and growing bigger on their own. And feeling that all this energy is growing with in me, and how me and my partner open up towards each other, with moments of melting, and moments of high energy. And when the flooding comes it’s as if my brain goes into another mode. I don’t hear sounds any more, I just feel me, and us, in a super intense presence, stretching even outside of the body, reaching out to spheres difficult to address in spoken language. It’s as if I for minutes or hours is in another world, which is hyper present, a world seeded by pleasure.
At the workshop the people are breathing into their sexual energy. They are standing, on their own, filling them selves up with energy, being aware of this power with in.
What is possible when your sexual energy is activated? How will it affect your life? I know what is happening to me… my life gets richer and I see possibilities I didn’t even dream about some years ago.
And now I am at a retreat, giving even more energy to these parts of me – I wonder how alive I will feel, when the retreat is over. If I just choose presence … I feel fill it, I will know from within. Totality takes me there.