Sexsibilityfestival: In total bliss with Mother Earth

People look at me some days into the sexsibility festival . They notice a change. Some of them see a new brilliance in my eyes ...

People look at me some days into the sexsibility festival.
They notice a change.
Some of them see a new brilliance in my eyes and a straighter back.
And yes, a lot has happened. It felt like I was reborn or rebooted at least three times during the festival.
The easiest way to describe it is a feeling of reclaiming me, all of me, the totality of being 100% Charlotte.
An important step was to meet Silja Rehfeldt in a session. And be friends with bliss.

A woman hugs me, feels my body close to hers. She looks me in the eyes and asks:
– What happened? I can feel that a lot of sorrow has been freed in your second chakra.
And I smile at her. A smile from my being, a liberated smile, a smile that contains my feeling of being connected, of belonging, my feeling of being a part of our sacred Mother Earth.

I had magical moments during the festival. When heading home I try to tell Carlos about what happened. I use words like: Amazing, wonderful, transforming, surrender… and he looks at me and tells me to please be more concrete. What does amazing really mean in this context? What did happen to me?

I tell him that I feel that I surrender to the moment, that I meet life in a flow, that I let things happen, that I try not to judge my experiences or feelings, just letting them be what they are.

I explain to him that I have felt super present in many moments. Present both in my body and with a feeling of belonging to something greater. It’s hard to explain. Words become to small to fill this space, to describe this feeling of totality.

To me presence is crucial. Presence can turn me on. Presence makes me feel alive. Presence makes life real.

And Carlos asks me again to be more concrete. So I try to describe one of these moments:

I had one of these experiences with Silja Rehfeldt. We had a session and I didn’t really have an issue, but a longing to letting go, to surrender, to just be in the moment.
Silja asks me to lie face down. She starts massaging specific parts of my back and I feel a relaxation spreading in my body. Then she covers my back with warm coconut oil, and starts gliding over me, using all her body to massage me.

It’s a totally new experience to me. Siljas company is called united bliss, and I am soon in that space. Her breath in my ear, and her body close to me, make me feel like I am an unborn child in the womb, and at the same time as I myself am Mother Earth. It’s like I am a tiny baby in the safest universe, the womb, and at the same time I am the universe. It’s at feeling of being out of time, out of space, in something… that IS.

My feelings shift during this session. In some moments I feel like I am a part of Big Bang, that I am a part of the big black newborn universe, and that I am giving birth to parts of it. It’s black and warm, and friendly.  It’s like being in a wonderful dream where I, at times, am our planet, our great mother, and at times am giving birth to her.

Then I lie on my back, Siljas hands on my head, barely touching, and I feel waves of energy. The energy waves are strong and it feel like I am fucking Mother Earth. It’s totally new, it’s as we are bonding with each other, and celebrating this bond by making love.

I feel an urge to sit up. So I turn to Silja, and I am about to give birth. She holds me and I stand on my knees, totally in the feeling of giving birth. I cannot see the baby, so I whisper to Silja:

– Is it a beautiful baby?
– Yes, it’s a beautiful baby.
– And it’s a strong baby.

That’s about all that is said in the session. 
Silja leaves me to rest on my back. 
I am totally exhausted, 
totally present, 
totally filled with this experience… 
being in the black void and letting anything happen, 
just loving to meet some of my essential qualities… 
not dependent on time an space. 
A feeling of totality.

And this was just one of several meetings with Mother Earth, 
my sexual energy and my power this festival. 
I am blessed. 
In bliss. 
Is this concrete enough, Carlos?


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Charlotte Cronquist

Charlotte Cronquist
Bloggen för dig som vill få ut det mesta av livet. Författaren och coachen Charlotte Cronquist lär dig hur du får bättre relationer och hur du kan älska mer. Blogposts in English available.




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