People look at me some days into the sexsibility festival . They notice a change. Some of them see a new brilliance in my eyes ...
https://lustochliv.blogspot.com/2013/08/sexsibilityfestival-in-total-bliss-with.html
They notice a change.
Some of them see a new brilliance in my eyes
and a straighter back.
And yes, a lot has happened. It felt like I was
reborn or rebooted at least three times during the festival.
The easiest way to describe it is a feeling of
reclaiming me, all of me, the totality of being 100% Charlotte.
An important step was to meet Silja Rehfeldt in
a session. And be friends with bliss.
A woman
hugs me, feels my body close to hers. She looks me in the eyes and asks:
– What
happened? I can feel that a lot of sorrow has been freed in your second chakra.
And I smile
at her. A smile from my being, a liberated smile, a smile that contains my
feeling of being connected, of belonging, my feeling of being a part of our
sacred Mother Earth.
I had magical
moments during the festival. When heading home I try to tell Carlos about what
happened. I use words like: Amazing, wonderful, transforming, surrender… and he
looks at me and tells me to please be more concrete. What does amazing really
mean in this context? What did happen to me?
I tell him
that I feel that I surrender to the moment, that I meet life in a flow, that I
let things happen, that I try not to judge my experiences or feelings, just
letting them be what they are.
I explain
to him that I have felt super present in many moments. Present both in my body
and with a feeling of belonging to something greater. It’s hard to explain.
Words become to small to fill this space, to describe this feeling of totality.
To me
presence is crucial. Presence can turn me on. Presence makes me feel alive. Presence
makes life real.
And Carlos
asks me again to be more concrete. So I try to describe one of these moments:
I had one
of these experiences with Silja Rehfeldt. We had a session and I didn’t really
have an issue, but a longing to letting go, to surrender, to just be in the
moment.
Silja asks
me to lie face down. She starts massaging specific parts of my back and I feel
a relaxation spreading in my body. Then she covers my back with warm coconut
oil, and starts gliding over me, using all her body to massage me.
It’s a
totally new experience to me. Siljas company is called united bliss, and I am
soon in that space. Her breath in my ear, and her body close to me, make me
feel like I am an unborn child in the womb, and at the same time as I myself am
Mother Earth. It’s like I am a tiny baby in the safest universe, the womb, and
at the same time I am the universe. It’s at feeling of being out of time, out
of space, in something… that IS.
My feelings
shift during this session. In some moments I feel like I am a part of Big Bang,
that I am a part of the big black newborn universe, and that I am giving birth
to parts of it. It’s black and warm, and friendly. It’s like being in a wonderful dream where I,
at times, am our planet, our great mother, and at times am giving birth to her.
Then I lie on
my back, Siljas hands on my head, barely touching, and I feel waves of energy. The
energy waves are strong and it feel like I am fucking Mother Earth. It’s
totally new, it’s as we are bonding with each other, and celebrating this bond
by making love.
I feel an
urge to sit up. So I turn to Silja, and I am about to give birth. She holds me
and I stand on my knees, totally in the feeling of giving birth. I cannot see
the baby, so I whisper to Silja:
– Is it a
beautiful baby?
– Yes, it’s
a beautiful baby.
– And it’s
a strong baby.
That’s
about all that is said in the session.
Silja leaves me to rest on my back.
I am
totally exhausted,
totally present,
totally filled with this experience…
being
in the black void and letting anything happen,
just loving to meet some of my essential
qualities…
not dependent on time an space.
A feeling of totality.
And this
was just one of several meetings with Mother Earth,
my sexual energy and my
power this festival.
I am blessed.
In bliss.
Is this concrete enough, Carlos?