charlotterudenstam

Alexander and Charlotte: We divorce and let our relation turn in on a new track, creating a lot of joyrides.



Our wedding, July 9th 2003, after 100 days of pure love.

We choose to divorce together. We choose to do it before we begin to throw stones at each other, before love is ending, before bitterness is haunting us. We choose to separate consciously and with much love.

Love is there.
Heart space is there.
Mutual respect is there.
That may be the reason why we choose to divorce and let our relation develop into something else.


For eleven years, Alexander and I have lived side-by-side 24/7. We have chosen an intense and intimate way of life. We have lived, loved and worked together. Now when we have made the decision to change this, we have launched a process of liberation and grieving.

It is difficult to divorce my best friend, difficult to divorce the person I have given all my trust, hard to separate from the one I have built up dreams with, hard to separate from the person I have realized many dreams with. It’s perhaps somewhat easier to separate from our crushed dreams, our lost hope, from the feeling of slowly drifting apart.

We cannot discern a single event that led to this decision. But we both know that decisive factors which lead to the divorce is the circumstances that “killed” The JoyRide Experience just three weeks before the festival. Fears made the owner of the venue cancel our reservation. This has resulted in a fall filled with economic difficulties that became too heavy for us to handle within our marriage.

We work professionally with sexuality and relationships. We work to help people feel more alive, more presence, more confident being themselves and living their lives.
One consequence of this is that we also reflect on our own relationship.

  • How does it really work?
  • Is there something that needs to change?
  • Is there anything missing in the relationship, that we want to invite to our lives?
  • How much am I willing to compromise?
  • What happens in the heart, in the soul, in the body, in our (core) wounds when we make compromises?
  • Do I let parts of myself die when compromising?
Alexander and I are going to divorce. The process has started. We choose to separate together. We choose to divorce before we throw stones at each other, before love is dead, before bitterness is there. We choose to divorce consciously and with love. Together and individually, we lift the stones, trying to see clearly. We choose to do this as a conscious process, where we allow all feelings emotions to be present. We allow grief. We allow disappointments. We allow opportunities to be found. And we allow thoughts of a shared future, in a totally new setting.

Sometimes it feels like we're two bundles of yarn that has entangled themselves totally. Who am I and who is Alexander? Now we are actively working to clear out those threads, to stand with some distance to each other, in order to see where our love and heart warm relationship wants to go.

Even though we divorce, even though we separate, we will continue having a strong relationship.

We will continue to work together. We will cherish our spiritual "children” such as The Joyride. We plan to dive more into the ISTA-family. We want to walk the path of love, freedom and sexual healing. And in time, there may be space for us to bring some healing in to other couples relations.

At the moment we move a bit slower than usual. From time to time big amounts of grief is there in the space between us. Grief to take care of. Sadness that allows up to be still and breathe for a wile. Sadness that allows us for a moment or two to rest in each other's arms and allow the feelings that is there.

The truth is that the future is a mystery everyone. And for Alexander and me, in this moment, it’s a vast mystery. There are so many questions without answers, ranging from practical things like new homes, sharing things to the way we relate to each other's feelings and bodies.


Love, light and happiness



Alexander and Charlotte

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Charlotte Cronquist

Charlotte Cronquist
Bloggen för dig som vill få ut det mesta av livet. Författaren och coachen Charlotte Cronquist lär dig hur du får bättre relationer och hur du kan älska mer. Blogposts in English available.

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