I surrender to life, and I really don't know where I am heading.

Around me there are people surrendering to something that is greater than themselves. Maybe it’s their divine spark that suddenly is surfacing and pointing out the direction?

I also do this myself. It’s like my inner voice sounds clearer, and I follow it even though my mind doesn’t understand why. Some things are beyond me, beyond the decisions of my mind, and I just let go… and let life happen.

There is such a freedom in my moments of surrender. I don’t need to go anywhere. 

What I am trying to say is difficult to grasp in words. It’s something happening within, something about my inner world growing rapidly. Or rather, that I get in contact with new dimensions within me, it’s like I, at some moments can feel the universe inside my own body, often in the vomb. I feel an immensity of love dwelling in there. Sometimes it’s like I am resting out in the void of the universe, other times it’s like I see a strong flame within my vomb. It’s like I can actually be my inner light, feel the love I am created by, and feel the point of light in all of us.

It’s like looking and feeling the divine aspect of everything. And I am humbled. I am really humbled. Because what I feel, or rather what I percieve is that this divine spark is in everything living. What makes a seed grow? What made the seed that became my physical being grow?

And from that point, from that feeling of divinity within, that spark that is part of all and everybody, it’s as if my specific connection with this intangible, feel an urge to surrender to love, to life, and to where that more and more distinct inner voice lead me towards.

And I have no idea where I am heading. Maybe I know the next step, or I might have a hunch of it. But from that point on, it’s like walking in to the void. Into the totally unknown. Into more life. Or even into death. I don’t know. I really don’t know.

And this connection with my inner voice makes my life more vibrant, more alive, more electric, more sexy, more juicy and creates more meaning. It’s like surrender and not knowing are, at this moment in my life, my core keys.

I think that I have even left trust behind, maybe not all the time, but it’s as if I don’t need to hang on to trust, but to choose surrender. And if I really surrender, how could I than hang on to prayers like “I trust life to carry me” och something alike.

To some extents there is trust. I trust love will take me to the right spots, no matter what my minds says, no matter ideas created in my little body and mind. But I don’t ask to be saved, to be saved from what I need to feel in this life. It’s like this surrender is a vehicle that carries me, even though I in many moments feel like I am falling, and have no clue where or if I will land.

There is such a freedom in my moments of surrender. I don’t need to go anywhere.

This year I have started a lot of projects, I have gone to several trainings, I have explored deeper dimensions of my sexuality and my life force energy. And I have been guided by my heart and that voice telling me what direction to walk, telling me what to express to people.

I do not know why I started my podcast, and do a new episode each week, or why I keep on blogging, or why I am drawn to shamanic and spiritual dimensions of sexuality or why I want to explore the essence of being a human being. I really don’t know. But I choose to surrender to this voice that seems to know so much more than my mind does.

A way of putting it might be: I choose freedom. This journey is filled with bumps, filled with fear, my shadows dancing now and then. This journey puts me in states of uncertainty, moments where I feel alone, and little, and exposed, and sometimes even threatened.

And it’s worth it. Because this surrender also gives me the opportunity to experience dimensions I was unaware of. States of bliss. States of pleasure. States of love. States of being.

In this moment, I am blessed.