Sexuality: Transformation into full power

My intention for the week was to stand in full power and go for my yes’s and no’s.
And here I am, in the early dawn of the last day, and feeling it.
The more inner power I feel, the more I get tested.
And I am so grateful to tantraqueen Laurie Handlers who firmly, truly and lovingly alerts me when I am about to loose power.


To join an ISTA-training has the potential to be a transformational journey. And it’s up to me to make that, or rather allow that, to happen. Here I sit, having almost completed my fourth SSSE (spiritual, sexual, shamanic experience) being exhausted and energized at the same time.

Setting an intention in the beginning of any training is powerful. I guess setting intentions overall is powerful. They have a tendency to be fulfilled – so it is really important what I put in my intentions and also to be aware of the outcome.

When arriving in Ireland I had a strong connection to Mother Earth, been doing some strong processes lately, when she kind of turned up and I felt her power in me. Two days before going to Ireland I even went to see my friend the priestess, who wanted to do some Mother Earth rituals with me. Before the day was finished parts of my feet were painted with red henna, to strengthen the connection even more.

So I come to this powerful landscape. I feel Mother Earth under my bare feet, and the shamanic journey begins – and with that the intention of standing in my truth and feel where there is a yes and where there is a no and than manifest them.

– Yes, I would love to.

– No, but thanks so much for asking.

During the week I go through powerful rituals, including my sexuality in them, and feel my power building up. In one of the rituals it felt like I was healing the last wounds from a rape in my early life. I felt vibrantly alive inside my yoni; it felt like she was filled with new blood and life force energy. 

In another ritual I found myself laying on the grass. I felt the smells of the grass, I felt the texture of the grass, and I felt I could really relax laying there. I was looking up and I saw a clear blue sky, without any clouds. It was as if I witnessed a meeting between Mother Earth and Father Sky. Suddenly I saw a white cord, with the density of clouds, coming down from the sky and connecting to my solar plexus, my power center. I felt the power from the divine filling my being, hearing the words: You have access to all of this.

It’s a challenge to put words to experiences like these, and even more challenging to express what’s happening in me, and the transformation that occurs in my whole system. But believe me, experiences like these transforms my life, they make me see my self in a new light and they help me to rewire my brain and letting go of old patterns, which no longer serves me.

So I have felt my intention kicking in more and more during this week, and with that comes ... the tests. It’s like I have taken new ground, and then things happen where I have the possibility to show myself that I can stand in that new ground.

Being in a new space is also a bit wobbly, since the space is kind of empty, and it’s tempting to fill it up with what I am used to – the old stuff ... And there is here the testing comes in.

I stand there in my power, and after some moments it’s like I am surrounded by a horde of bowmen, directing their arrows towards me. And I can choose to let the arrows hurt me, or I can choose to let them pass me.

So there I sit one of this mornings at this training in a team meeting, just having seen an arrow passing close by, hardly noticing my ability to jump aside and not get hurt by it, and sharing the feeling of being ambushed by the bowmen, feeling weak, vulnerable, angry and confused.

And there is in moments like this Laurie Handlers enter the scene. She looks at me with so much love, and at the same time she is willing to shake me, to be radicaly honest. She sees how I am drawn to loose the ground I just taken, how I am stumbling and tempted to go into victimhood loosing my power and she firmly tells me to stop the old story and stay in my power.

I am so grateful for her frankness. For a moment I shake, I feel my self in a veil of shame for being caught by her, and then I lift  the veil, leaving my old boring story behind, stepping into power, being conscious abut the fact that I am probably going to be tested over and over again.

I really love this process and truly recommended it to anyone who would like a full and rich life, where the sexual energy is a natural and vivid force.

Charlotte Cronquist is a love warrior
Love is the answer