What if your thoughts are not for real?


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I am going to win this one.
I am going to loose.
I am sure that she loves me.
I know that she hates me.
It’s like no one is seeing me, I am all alone.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. They are there almost all the time. But what do they really represent? The truth?

When in a coaching session and a client blurts out some of the misery he or she feels, it’s like I see a bucket of thoughts tumbling out. Sometimes they make some sense. Sometimes they smell. Sometimes they are out of it. Sometimes they are grandios, sometimes thet are filled with fear or worry, sometimes they av matter-of-factly.

And they all come from my clients mind.

And sometimes, when the stream is heavy with negativity, guilt, blaming, self-blaming or shame, I ask the question:

– Do you believe in your thoughts.

Often there is a silence. It’s like you could hear angels passing by. The breathing has stopped. There is a silence. Sometimes this is a moment when the primal brain is activated and want’s to protect the client from this naughty question. Sometimes there is a big sigh, like in a relief. And sometimes nothing really happens.

– Of course my thoughts are true, what are you aiming at, don’t you believe me, do you think I’m a lier, could the client in fight-mode answer.

And the person sighing might say:

– Thank you, what a relief. Are you saying that I’m not my thoughts.

And some simply answers:

– No, I don’ believe all my thoughts. And they say it from a space of knowing. 

In my reality, you are not your thoughts. And sometimes it’s really good to make a distance to them. Because our thoughts, which are good for so many reasons, sometimes is what chain us to our fears, our past, our worries, our shame, our sense of inadequacy. Sometimes it’s our thoughts who puts us in prison.

And the amazing thing is that we also have the key to the prison door. It’s possible to lessen the power of your thoughts. 

And there are several ways to do it.

I’ll share one here (and might return with another, more playful way).


Sit for a while in peace. If you prefer, close you eyes, to get more in contact inwards. Notice your thoughts. Start imaging them as clouds on the sky. Now try to lessen you attachment to the thoughts. See them, like the clouds passing by, hear them, but just let them pass. Sit lik this, letting them pass by, for a few minutes.

And then, follow one or two breaths, and just notice how it is to be you in this moment. And what happened to the feelings and emotions your thoughts usually creates?

Charlotte Cronquist is a love warrior

Love is the answer


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Charlotte Cronquist

Charlotte Cronquist
Bloggen för dig som vill få ut det mesta av livet. Författaren och coachen Charlotte Cronquist lär dig hur du får bättre relationer och hur du kan älska livet mer. Blogposts in English available.





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