What I wish I had known about sexuality when I was 25.

I wish I had known what pleasures my sexuality could give me when I was young. Instead sexuality was a field where I felt unsafe, afraid… and curious. And it was like I needed some support to find and sense my own inner fire.

To me making love is more than a mechanic act, aiming at ejaculation. It’s more than a bodily meeting. More than fluid that awakens and streams. It’s more than procreation. It’s actually about life, but, in a somewhat different meaning.

We are all seeds of pleasure. Sexuality is present in our lives from conception and onwards. And still sexuality is taboo in many cultures.

I’ve read so much about sexuality during the centuries, and it’s absolutely clear that the ideas and ideals around sexuality has changed over time. And it’s a saddening to read about it. How women has been shamed for their sexuality. How having desires has been seen as something immoral. To say that love between persons of the same sex is sinful. That the only reason we should have sex is breeding, creating new human beings.

There are so many ideas around sex, there is so much shame, so much guilt, so much blame … and at the same time… so much longing.

It’s totally normal to enjoy sexuality. It’s totally normal to have desires. It’s totally normal to orgasm. It’s totally normal to love. 

What I would have needed, already as a tween, was compassionate talks about sex, desires, being in love, pleasure, our sexes, how desire could be felt, when to set boundaries. I would have loved if parents and teachers could speak about sexuality, without blushing, or feeling embarrassed about it. I would have loved to have a person like me, today, to talk about sex with.

It’s like most of the grown up generation has chosen w.o. when it comes to sex, love and relationships. As if the best teachers are peers and porn. We can learn a lot from peers and porn… but what if we could learn something about sex and intimacy from people who enjoy sex and who we trust? Like our parents? What if it would be possible to ask:

  • Mum, when did you have your first orgasm?
  • Mum, what do you enjoy most in sex?
  • What is the reason you have sex?
  • Dad, when do you still masturbate? How do you do it?
  • How do I know that I am in love with some-one?
  • What is your best sexual experience so far?
  • Do you still have sex?
  • What is the relation between sex and love, in your understanding?
  • What’s the difference between having sex today, compared with when you were young?
  • How do I know if it’s time for me to have intercourse?
  • Have you ever been in love with a person of the same sex?
  • What is your wildest sexual experience?
  • What kind of orgasms are you used to have?
  • What do you count as ”having sex”?
  • When is it okay to say no?

I mean, there is tons of wisdom around sex lingering there, unspoken, untold. What would happen if tweeners or teenagers had those kind of conversations? If we chose to look at and being interested in the love, connection, compassion, empathy, lust, horniness, desires within us… and not just look at what you risk having sex, such as STD:s, violence, and pregnancies.

So what I would have liked to know when I was young… that sex is a wide field, with lots, and lots to explore. And to become ”a master” on something, it’s crucial to practice.

So I invite you to explore your own body, and what it desires. Make yourself orgasm, make you self enjoy self-pleasure, give space for touch and massages.

And talk about it. Talk about pleasure. Because it’s worth it.

Charlotte Cronquist is a love warrior

Love is the answer

Here you can see what Charlotte offers in Swedish.

And here you can meet the Swedish love warrior.


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Charlotte Cronquist

Charlotte Cronquist
Bloggen för dig som vill få ut det mesta av livet. Författaren och coachen Charlotte Cronquist lär dig hur du får bättre relationer och hur du kan älska livet mer. Blogposts in English available.





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