Premartha - The wizard who cracked me open, in all his softness

I just learned that Premartha has left his body. Leaving the body is the common expression for dying in the Osho-world, which Premartha was a part of for I guess half a century. 

It feels like he is a universe on his own, and that he, for a glimpse of an eye, landed among us here on Mother Earth.

When looking into his eyes, it felt like I was in contact with something immense, something beyond, something mysterious. It was like getting a glimpse of the wizard, the magician Premartha.

And all this said while bowing to him, in a graceful Namaste: I wish you a good journey, where ever your soul now resides. 

There are these souls that was the ability to turn you over, to change direction, to transform. To me Premartha was one of those. When I sat in the same space as him, I listened carefully, with all my being, because he knows what has importance, to the core. 

Premartha was a Osho-teacher. One of those who sat at the feet of the Indian guru, I guess already in the late 1970s. And I met him as I was searching the ultimate answer to the question: Who am I?

I myself feared Osho at that time (then named Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh), but then life takes mysterious roads, and in 2002 I did my first Osho-inspired retreat at Baravara in Rättvik, Sweden.

One important tool in Osho courses and training are sharings, were one person at a time shares something vilnerable about themselves, while the other people listens carefully and with an open heart.

Premartha was a master at sharings, often them transformed into something else. One person sharing could be asked to do a family constellation, another a gestalt session, a third to sit in front and be seen by others. And in my eyes, it was Premartha who knew what the sharing person needed.

I will try to make a metaphor, showing my impression of Premarthas soft mastery:

When a person shared something deep from within, when a person shared their wounds, there was often many words. It was like words were filling the whole space. And what was really important behaved like a fly that flew around in the room, difficult to catch, and for some just an irritating noice.

In the silence Premartha just hit the fly. Immediately he nailed what the story was about, what the wound was about, where the healing was necessary, what the person needed to hear, where the person needed to approach in order to heal. It was like Premartha had the ability to walk someone on the edge of a sharp knife and move there, be in memories, feelings or emotions that felt dangerous and life threatening, and just being there, at the side, seeing how the person survived the journey, meeting the fear, and seeing another more friendly world and life on the other side of the fearful walk.

I met Premartha some twenty years ago. I was part of the Therapist training at Osho Risk, and our third week of the program was Primal, led by Premartha and Svarup. In a primal you meet childhood wounds to heal them, and the healing process is very structured, and includes staying in silence for a weak, feeling all the strong emotions a child can have, and also meeting anger towards parents, feeling the little child's frustration, and situation, and then in the end seeing what made the person survive and what crucial role the parents have - giving each and one of us life.

It’s a beautiful and also very energetic work, that often changes something fundamental within the person doing the primal process.

I loved this process so much, and also I loved Premarthas ability to see and meet the participants, that I wanted to learn more. So I went to something called ”Childhood deconditioning training” in order to learn more about child hood trauma, and how to heal them with a method grounded of a series of meditations, aiming at meeting the client as a child in different ages.

In this work out body is so important, our body who stores trauma, memories, feelings, and part of this work is to free the person, also through freeing the body, and sensing the body more.

And then I went to Greece to assist Primal-weeks in the heat of the Lesbos summers. 

Our space was always filled with people in different ages and from many countries. Each day there was an opportunity for the participants to share something. In front sat Premartha and Svarup, listening carefully, also choosing closely which ones would have the opportunity to share.

In these situations I could really see the wizard, the magician in Premartha. And I also knew some of his personal history, knowing some about his struggles and choices in life. 

As a baby he was just about to survive. And sometimes, looking at him, it felt like he was only partly there, or that he was here, on Earth on a short visit. As if he was part of something greater, but that he could slide between worlds in an instant. Like he saw the energy around people. Like he knew exactly what was the key into a person. What little detail could open a person up? Which detail could make them come in deeper contact with themselves? For me, as an assistant, sitting watching, being in this energy, it was amazing. I guess I also saw a trust in intuition, a trust in the process, and I remember that we, as assistants ,were not given a lot of teaching or guidance, I remember Premartha and Svarup saying: ”You will learn through osmosis”. And that is what happened.

HEALING CHILDHOOD WOUNDS

In a primal process you will hear a lot of childhood pain. When working in Greece there were many mediterranean people around. And it seems like many of the persons wanting to do primal had violent parents, and had been used to beating. I heard many stories around violence, and I’ve seen people heal.

Once there was a sweet young man sharing. I remember it as he was a doctor  himself, growing up under good circumstances, with loving parents. Still he felt burdened. He felt smaller than he was. It was like something had made him smaller, and it was hard to grasp. How could he complain who had had loving parents? How could he blame them for not really having been seen? 

Premartha met this young man, with all the love possible. He started to talk about bonsai-trees. The small versions of Japanese trees. And he said that love sometimes can do this to people. It’s like som parents wants the children to stay small in a sense. They are not allowed to shine, because that could threat the stardom of the parents. I looked around in the room, as my tears flooded, and I saw a few people reacting like me. And I understood that we had been the bonsais.

So meeting this young man, he opened something in all the bonsaiers. It was a relief in so many ways for me. I started to feel more normal, and also understand that love sometimes can feel heavy, particularly when the child doesn’t really feel the presence of the parents.

I am so grateful for having met Premartha so many times. And grateful for the insights I’ve had through him. There are so many aspects on him, like his playlists, that were elaborate in the days, the meditations they created, the laughter, the eyes that both could meet me as a person, and also go deeper, and where he allowed me to see the depths in a voyager as him.

PS: I was looking for pictures. This was the one I found on my computer. A night in Afroz, Greece 2008. I love you Premartha. Namaste, beloved.